Missing Dad

Tonight as I was getting John Michael into his pajamas we were listening to Delilah (I think I've mentioned this before, but parenthood has softened my "coolness" and turned me into an easy-listening sap), and I was really enjoying a version of Adeste Fideles by Nat King Cole and thinking about my dad. Nat King Cole has always reminded me of my dad. Although Nat was black and my dad white, I always thought they kind of looked alike in the mouth. That, and my dad was like a little kid at Christmas. Songs from our family Christmas albums, including Burl Ives "Holly Jolly Christmas" and Nat King Cole's "A Christmas Song" and "Cradle in Bethlehem" make my heart hurt every year for my dad no matter how many times I hear them.

So the weird thing tonight is that I was thinking about how my dad would have probably loved this Latin version of Adeste Fideles, because he was sort of dorky and went to Bishops Latin school and probably would have enthusiastically sung the verses from our church hymnal pointing out the notes to us embarrassed preteens, and what song comes on after that but Bruce Springsteen's "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town." My dad was THE biggest Bruce Springsteen fan and other than Christmas music, there really couldn't be anything else that reminds me of him more (well, other than pipe smoking and a few other things, but you get my drift). It was HIM! Hearing those first few notes of Clarence Clemons' saxophone, I burst into tears and wrapped JM in his little footie pajamas in my arms and smelled his freshly cleaned hair and baby- lotioned skin and just sat by the little Christmas tree in his room for a few minutes. I was reading a book recently and thinking about how many times a deceased loved one will appear to you in dreams and how it's strange and sad to me that in the 8 years since he's been gone, I've only dreamt about him twice. Once was a few months after he died and he was carrying me in his arms and it was the sweetest happiest feeling that he was okay. The other time was this summer and I can't remember what happened! I guess that's better than nothing, but I miss my dad so much!

It's interesting that this little "hello" from my dad is happening now. JM has a double ear infection and according to the doctor all his teeth are coming in at the same time, rendering him Cranky McCrankster. He cries when Mike leaves in the morning. He cries when you take a pen away from him that he shouldn't be playing with. He has started trying to plug and unplug things into and from our wall outlets (such as our Christmas candles that go in the windows, so pretty!). He drinks the bath water and stands up in his high chair. I could go on. Add a few days of cold weather and lots of time inside together and me being 14 weeks pregnant, and I will tell you that I feel like my tank is running close to empty the past few days. Dealing with a toddler and the thought of adding a newborn to this equation is SCARY. God allowed me to get pregnant, so I hope He knows what He's doing, because I'm not sure I can handle it. Anyway, sometimes, I guess you need a little poke from the "other side" to remind you to enjoy the immediate moment. I know our little guy is growing up so fast and whereas there are SO many precious moments in each day, it can also exhaust you like nothing else I've encountered before (including running a marathon!).

Anyway, it was a sweet ending to the day. And, might I just say "hallelujah" that we are headed off to Colorado this weekend? Although I can't ski with everyone, I am really looking forward to a break and hopefully seeing some snow! And, I miss you, Dad. We will never forget you.

Meeting Santa

It was the kind of situation I had always hoped to avoid, but this year our church is not doing pictures with Santa for some reason (Santa's gastric bypass, perhaps?). When we walked into the mall 5 minutes after it opened, Santa's line already snaked around the barricades with stroller after stroller of donned babe and tot. Being the gambling woman I am, I decided to chance that my personality, a Gerber Graduates granola bar and the magic of the season could keep John Michael entertained until we got to the front of the line. 30 seconds later, sire had downed the entire granola bar and wanted out out out of the stroller, so I broke a major parental rule and let him run around in the line. He pushed the stroller around the gates, tried to pull down the line partition, but stayed close to me and generally happy. I am sure the other parents thought I was a horrible parent, letting my kid get out of the stroller to run around like a ruffian (I always see these content babies happy to just sit and sit and that is SO not my kid), but really I was aiming for baby contentment and considering he gave a little half smile for his picture, I consider the trip a success.

I've always liked the Barton Creek Santa. For one, he has a real beard. Secondly, when I used to work close I frequently shopped there at lunch and one day I was sitting at a little two-top by Chick-Fila and who was across from me on the opposite side of the table, but Santa in his little red pants, eating the cutest little lunch (sandwich, carrot sticks, apple and cookie) that I assumed Mrs. Claus had packed into a real lunchbox for him every morning.

Anyway, in this age of modern names, Santa seemed especially keen on JM when he heard his name was John (he confessed that he had a son named John). When JM didn't cry and even smiled a little, Santa said he was his little sweetie, gave him a kiss on the cheek and hugged him and wished him a Merry Christmas. I have definitely been initiated into a new realm of parenting after the mall Santa visit, for sure! $27 and the image burned on the cd, later.

Amals

Sire is going through a phase where he REALLY likes to have a stuffed animal friend keeping him company at all times; even when he's mowing the carpet. It's bizarre how one day they could care less about something and the next, it's "I'm not leaving this bed without my shirtless UT frog."

Weekend relief

Silly, silly, silly MB. You should NEVER blog such things as "I think this baby is FINALLY sleeping through the night," "This child of mine would NEVER bite" and most appropriate for this entry "Oh, I am TOTALLY over this morning sickness!" No, no, no. Morning sickness chilled out for a few days but is definitely still lurking around making me extremely green-faced some evenings. Wah! Keep the bread coming, for now.

By the end of last week, I was considering selling JM to the zoo. Not for real, obviously, he's far far too adorable and snuggly and full of all sorts of talents including naming his body parts and dancing, but he was driving.me.up.a.wall whining, repeatedly opening drawers where magic markers are stowed and painting his face, leaving an even more extensive trail of disaster in his footsteps from room to room than usual. I was spent. If there is a difference so far in this pregnancy, it's that I'm POOPED. Pooped!

Ah, and then the weekend hit. Ah, sweet sweet weekend. It froze on Friday and even SNOWED (okay, itty bitty little pretty flakes that didn't stick, but were lovely!)and Mike headed out to the lake house to try to save the boat engine... Whereas I was at first a little unhappy to be apart from my beloved and the break his presence offered, JM and I had a little fun one on one time and I lazily enjoyed an evening where I baked Christmas cookies and watched the Sex in the City movie all by meself, then my son regaled me by sleeping in until 8:15 the next morning (usually he's more of a 7am man)! On Saturday morning, we decorated sugar cookies (JM taste tested all my cinnamon disks and threw some red sugar on the floor, but seemed to enjoy it) and then when Mike was back, we all decorated the tree. It is so precious to watch JM look at the tree. He really likes all the nice breakable glass ornaments, but so far has been very gentle with the whole experience. He says "cracka!" for all my Nutcrackers (have I ever mentioned my Nutcracker obsession?) and "ball" pointing at all the pretty colored balls. Sunday, Lauren came to babysit and Mike and I went Christmas shopping and saw a movie. It was a great break. It was such a blast to buy presents for our little guy. I felt like real parents because not only did we go to one Target to try to get the $22 deal of the week Little People garage, which was sold out, but had an employee look up the stock at another store and we drove down the road to another Target to get it. And, how sweet did it feel scoring that deal for our little person? We also hit Terra Toys, which is such a neat local toy store. I won't tell you all that JM is getting, but there will be many wheels this Christmas, an Elmo appearance and some fun activities, too. Can't wait to see him open it up!

It really makes me happy thinking about setting up our own Christmas traditions with JM. He has been enjoying all the lights and household decorations so far and thankfully hasn't knocked down the tree (yet). I bought an Advent wreath and we did a little candle ceremony yesterday which felt like a neat tradition, truly in the spirit of the season. The other day, as we were saying Grace before dinner, JM put his little hands together and since then has been praying along with us and it is the sweetest thing. It also gets me thinking about other more outward signs of faith that I can show to our son.

Whereas my faith is important to me and we weekly attend church services, so far in my life I am not one who is that outspoken or visual in my Christianity, but now that I am a parent, I want to be a more living example of faith in our home, talking about Jesus and having it be more obvious that it is an important part of my life. My parents took us to church, but we never really talked about God or our faith. I like it when I hear stories about people praying over their kids before they leave the house. I also like how I've heard my friend Celeste's kids talk about Jesus. I've been through some hard times in my life and I want JM to know that without God, I couldn't have made it through. I don't want him guessing. I want him to just know.

Wow!

I just realized this morning that I made it all day yesterday without feeling sick! With JM, I was feeling crummy up until about 15 weeks, so dare I hope? It's amazing how I could completely make it through a day without noticing that I didn't feel bad, however, yesterday was also a day when I was chasing my toddler around while he was holding a marker with the cap off in his left nostril....


AC: love

Here we go, again!

We are having another baby!
This morning was our 12 week NT scan and ultrasound and everything looks great.
Estimated due date is June 14, 2010.
John Michael was HORRIBLE at the appointment this morning, acting very crabby and even threw himself down on the floor a few times in protest. Could he tell his world was going to change?

First trimester has been full of night sickness for me and a distaste for pretty much all food, save bread. I have only gained 2 pounds so far, but my belly is definitely sticking out (3rd time, you know). I would like to say that I have reached a new level of peace and trust in God's plan this time around, but admit that after the two miscarriages before JM, I continue to be anxious this time around, checking the toilet paper every time I go to the bathroom, worrying about the baby, analyzing every cramp, etc. This time I had also hoped to be much more serene about the trying to conceive process, but that, too, was full of anxiety for me. It took us 7 cycles to get pregnant this time, and I was just starting to think about maybe going in for fertility testing when wham, we got the positive test... right before ACL Fest! :) This also means that I have to miss my best friend Elizabeth's wedding in the Outer Banks in June. We are sad about that, but happy that it's for a happy reason we won't be there!

Anyway, we are thrilled to be growing our family! This time we aren't finding out the sex, so I am excited about that surprise!

Thankful heart

I'm probably not going to make it until 9 o'clock tonight. JM was put to bed at 6. We are tired. We spent Wednesday through today in Dallas with lots of family time with Mike's siblings and their families and Mike's mom's side of the family. I am thankful for much this Thanksgiving season, and I am feeling especially grateful for having an extended family whom I genuinely like. It was a nice weekend.

Um, there were 80 people at Mike's Aunt Judy's for Thanksgiving dinner. Aunt Judy's house is not a banquet hall, nor is it anywhere close to a mansion. The S. family Thanksgiving consists of portable banquet tables set up all over the house, such as in the entryway and garage and LOTS of food. I swear there were 15 different side dishes to choose from and nothing I tried was not delicious. Nothing I tried was healthy, either, whether it be the green bean casserole, cornbread stuffing, mashed potatoes or pie. Thankfully, the weather was nice and the kids could play outside all day. Mike went to the Cowboys game with his dad, brother and brother-in-law and left us with the family for 5 or so hours and I felt quite comfortable on my own with the in-laws.

Highlights from the rest of the weekend include a lovely day at Joe and Pam's in Southlake where I stuffed myself on crack dip and pizza and sat in a lawn chair in the sun chatting for 2 hours, our annual holiday lunch at the Mermaid Room at Neiman Marcus at North Park (JM didn't embarass us too much) and sitting on the 50 yard line at the Baylor Tech game at Cowboys Stadium (seats our friend Meg got and we will probably never see again). Today as we were packing up the car, JM had a meltdown such as I have never seen before, a sure signal too much fun had been had and it was time to go home!

We are blessed!

Dancin machine

I think it's pretty safe to say that nothing could make me happier on a Monday morning than watching this. Someone apparently likes Janet Jackson! These are some moves we've never seen!


AC: creativity