
Tonight as I was getting John Michael into his pajamas we were listening to Delilah (I think I've mentioned this before, but parenthood has softened my "coolness" and turned me into an easy-listening sap), and I was really enjoying a version of Adeste Fideles by Nat King Cole and thinking about my dad. Nat King Cole has always reminded me of my dad. Although Nat was black and my dad white, I always thought they kind of looked alike in the mouth. That, and my dad was like a little kid at Christmas. Songs from our family Christmas albums, including Burl Ives "Holly Jolly Christmas" and Nat King Cole's "A Christmas Song" and "Cradle in Bethlehem" make my heart hurt every year for my dad no matter how many times I hear them.
So the weird thing tonight is that I was thinking about how my dad would have probably loved this Latin version of Adeste Fideles, because he was sort of dorky and went to Bishops Latin school and probably would have enthusiastically sung the verses from our church hymnal pointing out the notes to us embarrassed preteens, and what song comes on after that but Bruce Springsteen's "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town." My dad was THE biggest Bruce Springsteen fan and other than Christmas music, there really couldn't be anything else that reminds me of him more (well, other than pipe smoking and a few other things, but you get my drift). It was HIM! Hearing those first few notes of Clarence Clemons' saxophone, I burst into tears and wrapped JM in his little footie pajamas in my arms and smelled his freshly cleaned hair and baby- lotioned skin and just sat by the little Christmas tree in his room for a few minutes. I was reading a book recently and thinking about how many times a deceased loved one will appear to you in dreams and how it's strange and sad to me that in the 8 years since he's been gone, I've only dreamt about him twice. Once was a few months after he died and he was carrying me in his arms and it was the sweetest happiest feeling that he was okay. The other time was this summer and I can't remember what happened! I guess that's better than nothing, but I miss my dad so much!
It's interesting that this little "hello" from my dad is happening now. JM has a double ear infection and according to the doctor all his teeth are coming in at the same time, rendering him Cranky McCrankster. He cries when Mike leaves in the morning. He cries when you take a pen away from him that he shouldn't be playing with. He has started trying to plug and unplug things into and from our wall outlets (such as our Christmas candles that go in the windows, so pretty!). He drinks the bath water and stands up in his high chair. I could go on. Add a few days of cold weather and lots of time inside together and me being 14 weeks pregnant, and I will tell you that I feel like my tank is running close to empty the past few days. Dealing with a toddler and the thought of adding a newborn to this equation is SCARY. God allowed me to get pregnant, so I hope He knows what He's doing, because I'm not sure I can handle it. Anyway, sometimes, I guess you need a little poke from the "other side" to remind you to enjoy the immediate moment. I know our little guy is growing up so fast and whereas there are SO many precious moments in each day, it can also exhaust you like nothing else I've encountered before (including running a marathon!).
Anyway, it was a sweet ending to the day. And, might I just say "hallelujah" that we are headed off to Colorado this weekend? Although I can't ski with everyone, I am really looking forward to a break and hopefully seeing some snow! And, I miss you, Dad. We will never forget you.


