Nobody told me

Nobody told me that motherhood would mean:

• a new level of eccentricity for me... that is, starting projects with frantic abandon, not knowing if my child would nap for 15 minutes or four hours
• eating foods and drinks you can handle with one hand (thank you God for granola bars and drinkable yogurt smoothies!)
• lugging a carseat around stores shifting from arm to arm, instead of putting it in the cart, so as to keep the child asleep
• great satisfaction in being able to pump out a few ounces of breastmilk
• great satisfaction in making my child milk-drunk after a feeding
• getting up in the wee hours to see him would be a blessing rather than a curse
• i would find myself rocking and swaying in public places, even without a baby or music
• watching our baby learn something new is very much a religious experience
• a new level of appreciation for showering (i.e. constantly feeling smelly)
• lullabyes sung by me are songs that i can remember the words to... silent night... my favorite things... country roads... silver bells... walking in a winter wonderland... inchworm...
• that i would actually enjoy listening to delilah's radio show during bathtime
• nibbling someone's hands and feet could be a true delight
• blow outs are not something that just happen with tires! and huggies diapers are the worst for this! our most sucessful leakage control has been with the cloth diapers, i might add

JM 9 weeks coo laugh

JM 9 weeks coo laugh
Originally uploaded by our "nut" house

this is whom i get to hang out with all day. jealous of his adorableness? yes, i know. and for the record, we are listening to a george michael interview on TV in the background. never too young to learn about george.

when does it get easier?

man, i am pooped. we had a fun visit to the beach last weekend, but monday and today have been rough. traveling and running around is great while we are there, but hard on the little one to readjust to normalcy. how does one have a life and a happy baby, i ask? since we've returned the little one has not easily gone down for his naps.... monday and today he's all about these little 20-45 minute cat naps and i feel completely and utterly ineffective. how do other mom's get stuff done? especially working moms? even more for single moms! wow! i have little windows here and there of maybe an hour and 15 minutes max during the day to get stuff done, but during this time, i am finding myself feeling tired and unable to settle and fearing i may never appear in society again! this comes to the surface right when an oprah show with dr. oz aired yesterday about living longer and how stress and lack of sleep (and eating improperly... and lack of exercise... and dammit, sun exposure- all of which i am experiencing lately in some form or fashion) age you faster, so I fear i am sitting here aging at the speed of light. any moms out there? please tell me there is hope! when will i feel more normal/like myself again? how do you find peace in your daily existence? i have glimpses of an effective former self, but i am looking forward to some regularity of peace of mind! how do you do it? i tip my hat to you!!!

in the meantime, yesterday and today i am reminded of just how damn cute our son is and how blessed we are. he is such a happy baby when he's not trying to go down for a nap! i know it could be SO much worse. he is still cooing a lot, laughing and is very alert and curious during his waking times. he was great on our trip this weekend and we restarted our Bible study last night at our house and he was also a joy while we were meeting. now, why is it so damn hard to capture a smile out of the little guy? the second i get out the camera, it's all business.

ac: power

2 months old!

2 months old!
Originally uploaded by our "nut" house

such a big boy! he was such a little sweetie all day yesterday after his shots. little guy slept pretty much all day and when he was awake, he seemed pretty much like his regular smiley self. i was able to take this picture. doesn't he look big? wah! he is growing up so fast!

as an aside, my mom is awesome. not only is she coming over to babysit this adorable lad this morning, but she is *giving* me a gift certificate she received from her class last year to lake austin spa, a fancy schmancy spa resort that people like jessica simpson go to when they are in town. i will be getting my first postnatal massage and then reading by the pool for a bit. i had previously had a lunch date scheduled with the woman who was supposed to take my job, but she decided to stay in her current role, so I was left with a babysitter and nothing to do, so this is much better! unexpected plans+ me time = BLISS! thank you, mama!

Praise Jesus

DSCN2737
Originally uploaded by our "nut" house

John Michael had his 2 month doctor visit this morning and got 5 shots. It was heartbreaking to see and I cried a little, but the nurse was extremely fast with them and the little guy took it like a champ. He fell asleep right after the shots and is currently passed out in his carseat, so we'll see how the poor little lamb fares today. :( Other than the shots, it was a very good visit with the ped. and I also cried tears of happiness, relief and gratitude. Praise Jesus! JM isn't the Gerber baby by any means, but Dr. T. is not overly concerned about his weight gain and Dr. T. is pretty cautious, so if he's not concerned, then I am not going to be. At this point JM is weighing in at 9.55lbs (8th percentile) and 22 3/4" (45th percentile). The kid is long and lean, but have you ever seen his dad? The more I think about it, both sides of my family are full of tall thin people, too, so somewhere along the lines, I am sure he is normal. I am so relieved that Dr. T. doesn't think we need to supplement the breastfeeding. Over the weekend, I had a lightbulb moment where I realized that the positioning he was frequently using to feed was totally not what I learned in my class and from the lactation consultant and maybe if I moved him so that he was lined up at the breast at the shoulder and hip instead of turning his head on the side, it might be more effective/comfortable. Ever since, I have repositioned JM and our feedings have been free of crying and more importantly, since Friday when I weighed him last, he's gained closer to an ounce a day like he's supposed to (instead of trending closer to 1/2 oz per day, like he has been). Man, is it possible that he hasn't been gaining as much weight because he was basically eaing out of a straw the past 2 months? Ergh. All along I thought he had gas, but I guess it's possible it could have been ineffective feeding. I feel like a total idiot for not thinking of this earlier, but we'll see I guess. I am so, so happy about our visit. It was nice to be reaffirmed by the doctor what I already knew; that our baby is healthy and happy. Despite the feeding issues, JM has been a total delight lately. He is a happy little guy, so he must have been getting some sustenance, but I fear maybe working too hard at it? Anyway, lessons learned. Moving on.

We did a lot of Austin-y things last weekend. We took JM to the Farmers Market on Saturday morning, to eat some cheese and drink wine and listen a Cuban band play some salsa on Saturday night at Central Market and then took him on his first trip to Barton Springs Sunday morning. I managed to get in my first postnatal run on Saturday morning, as well. I was a little worried that lactic acid was going to seep into my breastmilk, but Peanut didn't seem to mind. I didn't feel great out there and only ran about 2/2.5 miles, but it was great for me in mind and body to be out running again. I went again this morning and ran closer to 3. I'm going to try to make it a habit a few times a week after our 5 am feeding. Man, have our lives changed or what? :) I figure since I'm already up, we might as well start the day off right.

AC: expectancy

"H. nuthouse! chief nut speaking...."

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Originally uploaded by our "nut" house

... Cheryl and the kids were here last night. The cousins were so sweet with John Michael and it was fun to visit.
It was a little chaotic, but nice. Peanut seems to be going through a growth spurt. He was pretty much on the breast the entire time they were here, which made visiting a little interesting, but it was all good.

I weighed the little one yesterday and he is still only gaining a little more than a half ounce a day. I am really trying hard not to freak out about this. We have our 2 month appointment with the ped. on Wed. and I'm interested to see what he thinks, since he is gaining, but just not as much as some babies. Mike's cousin Gina gave me this great book for Christmas last year called Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow. It is a women's Bible study book that she studied and liked and I'd highly recommend it for any worrier, and especially any mom (the two seem to go hand in hand). Anyway, the main premise is that worry is a sin. By worrying and being anxious, you are basically saying that you do not trust God's plan for your life. This said, I am going to try to live out this principle and NOT worry about Peanut's lack of weight gain. I am so much enjoying being a mother lately. He is sleeping longer stretches at night, eating really well, peeing and pooing like he should and smiles and coos constantly. My gut feeling is that he is fine. He seems fine. When I've put him down to sleep the past few nights I will stay in the room until I'm sure he's in dreamland and as he's settling himself, he will lie in the bed and coo up at his airplane mobile and it melts my heart!

No big plans for the weekend for us. I think we may take the wee one to Barton Springs for a toe dip this evening if it's not too hot. I also am going to attempt a 3 mile run tomorrow morning, which will be the first time I've been out there since last fall when Dr. S. cut me off from running around 7 weeks.

AC: Simplicity

Happy Fourth of July!

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Originally uploaded by our "nut" house

Love, John Michael

Vote for Courtney!

my old roommate from Chicago is a top 3 finalist in US Weekly's Dream Wedding competition (read all about it in this week's issue). after all that she has been through with struggling with cancer, she definitely deserves her dream wedding, so vote early, vote often for the future Courtney Courtney. http://www.usmagazine.com/wedding-2008-finalists

my first friend

JM Rhys Hug- 6wks
Originally uploaded by our "nut" house

God help us. I've figured out how to upload video.

Here is JM with his first friend, Rhys. Awww....